stuff from my journal

Here are some things from my Total Drama journal sketchbook thingy. The first is a list of my phobias. I want to be able to scan the page and show it but I don't have a scanner yet so I have to settle for what I got. It's got little pictures of Courtney in the green jelly pool and Chris and Duncan laughing at her cause she's crying. Actually Chris refers to it not as jelly but as "slime" since that's.. well, you will see: haircuts, getting shampooed, hairgel, mousse, hairspray, water, swimming, mud, dirt, germs, vomit, vommiting, hospitals, doctors, needles, shots, injections, iv tubes, catheters, dentists, fillings, root canals, surgery, amusement parks, heights, fast rides, medicine taking, seafood, fish, magic, halloween, makeup, baths, showers, smelling bad, bad smells, makeovers, birthdays, showing weakness, public speaking, socializing, worms, centipedes, eating right, paint, facials, manicures, poop, singing, dancing, carousels, sleeping studies, skyview, and slime.

The other thing from my journal I wanted to type in was a list of resolutions which I was more proud of than the phobias. It obviously makes me sound a little braver. It's got a picture of Courtney tasting a plate of worms:
Things I Don't Want To But Should Do In 2010

try new foods- like maybe some sort of seafood, Chinese, there's so much I just am afraid to try. I have it in the back of my head that I'll get sick.

get back on skyview- for some reason I really want to get back on. I didn't die! Towards the end I calmed down a bit and was able to open my eyes and look down. It wasn't that scary.

maybe not a rollercoaster, we'll see, but I really have to get over the whole thing about amusement parks and their rides too. I honestly never did barf myself, it was my brother, so the fear of getting sick shouldn't stop me. I know there's still the worry of someone else throwing up on me, but there are rides that can sit you away from another rider. I think anyway.

say they do the halloween contest next year, then no pumkins!- Pumpkin carving is gross smelling and made me feel like barfing. I have to do the costume thing no matter how scary it seems. I'm still thinking Courtney, which isn't hard, or Izzy which is. Although the girl who won was Courtney and I've got no chance of beating her since shes got all the little costumes. It'd probably make more sense to do a character that would be more of a stretch for me like Duncan. The girl who dressed as him didn't even have the green hair. I know, I'd have to. For a TDA dvd or animation cel I would! I totally should have just did it this year. I'm regretting it now.

I know it's really hard but I need to learn socialization. I have horrible social skills. It's hard for me to even get noticed. In speech class it took me almost the whole year to get the three assignments completed. I'm lucky my teacher was so nice, she didn't have to be. That was pathetic, only one in front of the class, the other two in front of her. She said the hardest speech is the one you give to one person. I don't know about that. Either way they made me nervous. I'm most nervous when I talk about what I like most. I don't even want people to know I like Total Drama Island. I don't know why.