missing the living crap out of chris mclean. hoping he never reads this thing but he probably does. my tummy hurts a little. wow this staying chill thing is so hard for me to do. boring too. there's no one to bother. i just feel like ... sometimes even if theres nothing to say, which there's not, just wanna be there. ahh i don't know!!! so thinking about recent things recently. like... can i really work up the courage to be in the cosplay contest if tdi blog has one this year? you can't just do it, you really have to be good. i have courtney clothes and bridgette clothes, which do i choose? can i be a better courtney than cit? of course not! so bridgette but that means a trip to the dreaded hair salon and i don't like it there. i mean i really don't like it there!! plus i'd have to start getting my look together like makeup and stuff which kinda grosses me out too. cause it's like putting goo on your face:( well, other girls do that but i'm not other girls okay? it makes me all squemish inside. then there's the voice acting thing potenza's supposed to be having. hmm. might not have had the right email address cause i didn't get an email back. then again, you never know. i want to be in it. i'm really afraid but i'll do it anyhow. my voice is terrible, it's so childish. and i look childish and act childish. i hate it! i want everyone to quit telling me to grow up already!