butt

i'm always the ass end of the threaded conversation. why is that???

missing the living crap out of chris mclean. hoping he never reads this thing but he probably does. my tummy hurts a little. wow this staying chill thing is so hard for me to do. boring too. there's no one to bother. i just feel like ... sometimes even if theres nothing to say, which there's not, just wanna be there. ahh i don't know!!! so thinking about recent things recently. like... can i really work up the courage to be in the cosplay contest if tdi blog has one this year? you can't just do it, you really have to be good. i have courtney clothes and bridgette clothes, which do i choose? can i be a better courtney than cit? of course not! so bridgette but that means a trip to the dreaded hair salon and i don't like it there. i mean i really don't like it there!! plus i'd have to start getting my look together like makeup and stuff which kinda grosses me out too. cause it's like putting goo on your face:( well, other girls do that but i'm not other girls okay? it makes me all squemish inside. then there's the voice acting thing potenza's supposed to be having. hmm. might not have had the right email address cause i didn't get an email back. then again, you never know. i want to be in it. i'm really afraid but i'll do it anyhow. my voice is terrible, it's so childish. and i look childish and act childish. i hate it! i want everyone to quit telling me to grow up already!

I remember it now. He did say he'd always be there for me too:( Well I really wish there was a person that was always there for me for real. I wish I had someone to always talk to. And for the record, I wanted to get to know him, not said I fricken knew him. Why can't anyone understand or pay enough attention to me?

whatever

wow, still though... wish I were lucky enough to get to go to the expo in August. I know I can't because I won't have a hotel or airline tickets, and the bigger deal is I'd have to pretty much go alone since no one in the family is into that sort of thing Anyone that may want to go has to get back to school that week so too bad. Wish I were like Courtney Garcia! Whoa, she's cool! and her own Duncan! How'd she make him? I tried making em before but I totally suck at it! I can cook and bake, other things I'm just not so good at. Like making the Courtney outfits? Ugh, forget it! Never! And yeah, phobia factoring isn't always a good idea. The haircut thing? Great.. now it's too short and I hate it! It's a lot like Gwen's haircut anyway, nothing like Courtney's and they always layer it and say they have to. It has to stay that way. Idk? The Hersheypark thing? Too hot! No way! Never again! Too much for someone with my condition to take and no time to even think about getting on a new ride when you are trying not to die from heat poisoning. That park should not have been built on so many hills and they should put in more trees and think about their guests and their comfort more. At Knoebels they at least have more areas to sit and relax in the shade, plus you can't get lost!! You are allowed to bring in a lunch and admission is free. Hershey is like walking ten miles for a glass of water, then it's like 'wait? where's that thing? that ride i wanted to go on er something?'

the girl with too many worries

I know exactly what to stop for lent. After today's cancellation of that dentist appointment I could have totally went to, that's it I've had it with myself. I'm going to quit being so anxious and phobic of everything. If I had to guess I'd say that's probably where my migraines come from, it's why I never really eat, it's the cause of all of my problems and I just can't stand it. The way my stomach feels lately maybe I should try relaxing a little and remebering that these things won't hurt me as much as I think they will. Being scared all the time, that's going to hurt. I don't get to see my therapist enough so we never really get to discuss phobias much. My parents give me a lot of trouble too and there's always a delightful story about them first or my other relatives or neighbors. The worst? I don't know. I worry a lot about germs since I was in the hospital with that virus two years ago. Everything has to be clean. Germs, dirt, I have a severe blennophobia too. That's terrible when just about everything around you is slimy if you think about it. The awful things like boogers, barf, and mud and also the nice things like shampoo, lotion, and soap. It drives me crazy! Sometimes there's a bumpy texture into the nice stuff too and it's kind of like boogery puke! I hate that with such a passion! *whahhhh!* Lent for us starts Monday. Which is always silly since Tuesday they eat meat again and Wednesday they don't. Then it's no meat Wednesdays and Fridays until Easter. In fact if Sidney's birthday party is on his actual birthday we can't eat meat that day either. I better get eating. I also won't eat seafood. My dad got pretty sick on it once.

at least theres that

okay, so now I have 100 edits on the total drama wiki. sometimes I just don't know though. It's kind of tough to edit something that's been edited already. my blogs really silly, I never know what's going on in irc, no one ever says anything on my talk page. you know I've actually been there since september. september and only at 100 now. cripes that's pathetic. and my deviantart site is even worse. no one looks at it. I love tdi exile's stuff but can't get the hang of downloading it, what's wrong with this thing anyway, I thought windows 7 was supposed to be so great! I swear, sometimes...

plainting

I hate being tired all the time and I hate being sick. No one respects me at all or appreciates anything I ever do for them. When I need something done for me, no one ever wants to do it. Every time I'm doing something around the house that's tough for me there's no one to help out even though when they do simple chores they whine like babies for me to help them. No one helps me prepare dinner, no one helps with the laundry, no one offers to help with the dishes. They just sit there watching tv all day and they keep getting in the way. When it comes time to take me to a doctor appointment or to pick up medicine at the pharmacy no one wants to help out with that either. They would rather just stay home and do nothing because absolutely nothing goes on where we live. The only place anyone ever goes anymore is to bingo. I feel like a fool for spending all of that money. All of that money on Christmas gifts for people that pretty much don't even like me. If they weren't related I'm sure they wouldn't. Money on food, all of that damn food. Chicken dinners, pizzas, subs, cheeseburgers, since the summer time, never really a thank you. They eat my food, they drink my iced tea, and I'm supposed to keep letting them leech off of me when no one ever wants to do anything for me?